


Did I Even Make A Sound?

by RedXD



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bdubs needs a hug, Crying, Doc gives that hug, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insecure Bdubs, Insecurity, M/M, Near Death, Near Death Experiences, Permadeath AU, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Watch VexATMs animatic, falling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25012156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedXD/pseuds/RedXD
Summary: !! Based off of VexATM's Waving Through a Window BDOC animatic on Youtube !!Doc and Bdubs fight. Lots of things happen.VVVhttps://youtu.be/mVhvfd7Ez5o
Relationships: BdoubleO100/Docm77, Doc/BDubs, Docm77 & Bdoubleo100, Docm77/BdoubleO100, Steffen Mossner | Docm77/John | BdoubleO100
Comments: 14
Kudos: 173





	Did I Even Make A Sound?

**Author's Note:**

> make sure to watch Vex's animatic before reading !!

“I would’ve been fine without being your friend.”

Bdubs’ eyes widen as he stares at Doc.

_Excuse me?_

He frowns, chest clenching as Doc’s words repeat in his head. “If you didn’t want to be friends why did you even agree to be friends then?”

Doc shrugs, “You would’ve been all whiney about it. Not to mention I was getting distracted from working constantly. Your pranks were annoyingly long.”

Bdubs feels his heart shatter as a million insecurities boil in his head. The steam fills up his mind, more and more until everything feels heavy and foggy.

_So I guess our entire friendship was built off convenience._

_Good to know I’m not worth a proper friendship._

Gritting his teeth, he mutters, “So what? You’d be better off without me in your life right?” He hears his own voice crack just barely and it makes him feel even more self-hatred build up in his lungs and chest. It feels like hot lava, burning his insides.

Doc’s eyes move to the side, not meeting Bdubs. As if he can’t even bring himself to look upon the annoying mess that is his neighbor. As if Doc hates him so much that even looking is a challenge.

He doesn’t respond.

_What am I not good enough for him to even talk to now?_

_What did I even do to deserve this? Our feud was a two-way battle. Yet why am I suddenly feeling as if it was just me?_

Bdubs feels tears building up in his eyes, but he blinks them away, refusing to cry. Especially not in front of Doc. _Never in front of Doc._

“Maybe no one ever wants to be your friend because you’re constantly treating them like shit.” He spits each word out with the utter distaste and hurt that he feels currently.

Doc’s eyes widen as his face darkens. He spins on his heel and stomps towards Bdubs, grabbing his snowy white sweater in his fists. His eyes dig into Bdubs, tearing apart his skin and killing each cell. He glares until Bdubs feels as if all he has left is a tangled pile of bones.

The taller male speaks with stinging venom, “People are only friends with you because you force yourself on them. It’s never _their_ choice.”

_Is that true?_

_Maybe it is. Maybe I really am just annoying._

His face scrunches up as he tries not to cry. He pushes Doc away from him and opens his mouth to respond.

_What am I even doing? He said he doesn’t want to be friends. I should just leave. Let him enjoy his time to himself._

Bdubs tightens his fists, shaking his head and turning around.

_I’ll stop distracting him._

He wanders towards the edge of Mt. Goatmore and takes out his rockets. In the corners of his eyes, he sees Doc go to lay down on the stone.

_He must be relieved that I’m leaving. Finally the nuisance leaves._

With a sigh, he launches himself into the air and flies towards the shopping district. He watches the water fold over itself below and dips down, flying around right above the water. He reaches out, letting his hand brush against the water.

_At least stuff that doesn’t breathe like me. That’s a plus, right?_

The cold water dances around his hand and he smiles at the shades of blue. The smile almost hurts, his entire body is in broken pieces. Annoying, filthy pieces. Bdubs wonders if the water will wash him away.

His face tightens and he sets off a rocket, his elytra pulling him into the sky. He glances at Doc’s undetailed form in the distance. He sighs.

_I wish he’d like me as much as I like him._

He shakes his head and shoots himself further and further into the air. As far as it takes for Doc’s form to blur and become a small dot he can’t feel emotion over. That he can’t wish would love him instead of despising him.

Tears sting at his eyes and he finally decides to just let them drip down his face, the wind shoving them from his eyes as if his eyelids are the open doors and the wind is shoving the tears out of the room.

_Maybe I shouldn’t have even tried. Obviously all my attempts to make it up to Doc were pointless._

The wind in his face becomes stronger and he feels his vision become blurry by the intense mixture of water and air. The wind brushes against his entire body and he feels himself turn over.

_Wait what-_

His eyes widen as he notices flakes of his elytra in the air. His arms go numb alongside his legs and he gulps, staring at the sky above him as he realizes:  
  
 _Fuck I’m falling._

He didn’t even realize his elytra had barely any durability left before but now he wishes he had been smarter. He feels stupid and pointless.

The tears start to stream faster, pouring from his eyes as he reaches towards the water below him, wanting there to be something, some slime block.

Because he knows the second he hits the edge of the water… his body will physically tear apart. It doesn’t matter if he’s emotionally torn to shreds, not when he’s close to dying permanently. Not when death’s door is in front of him, nearing closer and closer.

Bdubs gasps for air, the harsh winds brushing past him making it hard to breathe. Faster and faster, he’s falling and it seems as if time is speeding up. Even time seems to want him dead.

Time wants him dead. Fate wants him dead. The boomers don’t even need him. Keralis would be better off with a different best friend. Scar is mayor, why would he need Bdubs anymore. He didn’t even need him before, everything Bdubs did to help just pulled Scar’s campaign towards the ground. Everyone… Everyone doesn’t need Bdubs in their life. Especially Doc. Doc doesn’t need a neighbor, without Bdubs he’d have a full house. Without Bdubs he’d be focused. Without Bdubs he’d be _happy._

_Maybe it’ll be better when I hit the water._

_It’s got to be better._

He stares at the sky, turning so he isn’t staring at death’s gate. His vision is blurred with his doubts and fears. With his worthless feelings. He reaches out, saying his final goodbyes to the sky above and squeezing his eyes shut.

_I want a better ending. One where Doc likes me and where I’m useful. But I guess I’ll have to settle for a shitty end for a shitty person. Karma right?_

Readying himself for the shatter of his bones, he takes a deep breath, though it’s half-assed as the winds push at his lungs.

Then…

He feels a warmth. It covers him, making him feel a small fire warm up his heart. He’s surprised. He thought death would feel cold.

But he opens his eyes to see a face much prettier than deaths.

_Doc?_

—

Doc watches as Bdubs flies off. He shakes his head, turning to lie down on the stone. It’s cold and hard, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything at this point in time.

_He looked hurt._

_But shouldn’t he be angry?_

_Shouldn’t he be mad that I insulted him? Why does it feel like I’m the only angry one? I’m the only one who feels mad._

He sighs.

_And I’m not even mad at Bdubs._

His mind is a mess. He wants to hate Bdubs, to move on with himself. They fought, it doesn’t matter. But yet he can’t seem to bring himself to be mad at him. The only person he feels anger towards is himself.

_Maybe I should practice thinking before talking._

Doc groans, pulling an arm behind his head to rest on.

The night sky flickers with small lights and he swears they remind him of Bdubs eyes. Not his eyes a moment ago, those were dark and starless. But usually… it’s like Bdubs’s entire face is a galaxy and it’s as confusing as annoying. He refuses to admit that he’s almost fascinated by Bdubs’s little galaxy.

But he caused that galaxy to flicker off. To become dark. He made all his stars disappear from the night sky.

_I should just stop, it’s no use continuing to think about it. What happened, happened._

His heart aches despite his thoughts. He feels guilty.

In the corner of his eye, he sees Bdubs.

_Is-_

_Is he falling?_

Sitting up, Doc spins to look at Bdubs. Said male’s elytra seems to have hit zero durability. His eyes widen as he realizes Bdubs is indeed falling and he’s headed straight for the harsh waters below.

_Shit shit shit._

He jumps to his feet, searching for his elytra.

_He can’t die, don’t let him die, please don’t die._

_Where is my elytra? Bdubs is falling and he might die. I don’t want him to die. If Bdubs dies I’ll die. I can’t live without him. Please please please-_

Doc finds his elytra and shrugs it on in a panic. He grabs rockets and spams them, activating them without thought. Bdubs’ body is so close to the water.

_Shit shit shit please no-_

_I can’t live life knowing he’s gone. Please don’t let him die- Please I’m so close. I can save him. I just want to save him._

_Why did I yell? We fought and now he might die. This is all my fault. Why why why-_

Bdubs’ hand reaches out above him as Doc flies above him right where he was a mere millisecond before.

_Shit shit no-_

_Bdubs If you die I’ll never forgive myself-_

_I can’t let you die._

He reaches his hand out, he’s close. He spams more rockets, air rushing past him as he feels fear cling to him. It drags its claws down his back and he feels his happiness bleed from the wound. He has to get to him in time.

_I don’t want to live without you._

_I don’t think I could._

His elytra carries him as he pushes his body closer and closer. His arms are reached out as he feels air leave his lungs.

_Don’t die._

Doc’s arms reach Bdubs, wrapping around him and pulling him close. He grips his arm and thigh, using the momentum he has left to gently glide onto the shore.

Breathing heavily, he stares at Bdubs. The smaller male’s eyes lock with his. They are both silent. 

Bdubs clings to his chest, leaning his head against him. Doc feels his heart move so fast that it slams against either side of its cage, making loud clattering thumps in his chest. Sweat drips down his face as he lets out a relieved breath.

_He’s alive._

_He’s okay._

_I can still live a meaningful life._

The other coughs, taking deep breaths for a while. He spends minutes trying to simply calm down. Doc doesn’t let him go. He sits down on the stone below them and holds Bdubs in his lap.

They both cling close to each other, refusing to let go. Refusing to give up the other person.

_I’m never letting Bdubs fly again without checking his durability again._

Bdubs sniffs, letting out a heavy sigh, “You saved me?”

“I saved you.”

The shorter male laughs darkly, “...Why?”

_Excuse me?_

Doc glances down at Bdubs, watching how he averts his eyes.

“Bdubs…” He feels a weird pain in his chest, “Do you think I wouldn’t save you?”

There’s no response.

The air between them is silent and heavy.

_He thinks I would let him die?_

_But… Why would I ever let him die? That’s like signing myself up for a worthless existence._

His heart hammers against his chest as he wraps his arms around Bdubs’s torso and pulls him into a tight hug.

Doc’s hands grip at the fabric of Bdubs’s sweater, refusing to let it out of his grasp.

“I could never let you die. Never.”

Bdubs leans into the touch, hugging him back. His body shakes as he whispers, “Maybe I wish you would.”

The words leave his mouth and stab Doc in the chest. He feels himself only tighten his grip on Bdubs. He squeezes his eyes shut and pushes his face against Bdubs shoulder.

“Then make a world where I don’t love you.”

The shorter male freezes, grip going numb as he gasps for breath. He shakes, water pouring from his eyes as he shakes his head.

He frowns, “No, I-I don’t deserve you!”

Doc growls, grabbing either side of Bdubs’s head and forcing him to meet his eyes.

“Bdubs, you deserve the entire universe. Please.”

Bdubs’s lips quiver as he struggles to speak. He stares at Doc’s eyes. Doc hates that the constellations on Bdubs face and the stars in his eyes have all faded to darkness. He doesn’t see any light or joy and that makes him wish he could kill the person who caused it.

But he caused it.

_I’m sorry…_

He swallows before leaning forward and kissing Bdubs.

_Please know I love you._

The shorter male wraps his arms around Doc and kisses back, gripping Doc as if his life depended on it.

They both parted a moment later, still close enough for their noses to touch.

“Bdubs… If you had died I would’ve died too. Even if I still breathed, you give my life light.” He places his hand on his cheek, rubbing his thumb over the tear tracks. “Without you, everything is dark.”

Bdubs’s eyes move to the side. “But earlier-”

Doc rushes to respond, “Earlier I was being stupid. I was angry for no reason and I hurt you for no reason and-”

“I hurt you too though… I said that no one wants to be your friend… But that’s the only thing I’ve wanted for so long. I want to be your friend, your…” He pauses. “Doc, was us being friends a mistake?”  
  


“Yes.”

He watches as hazel eyes widen and he shakes his head with a smile, “It was a mistake because I want to be more than just your friend.”

The other laughs, smiling just barely. The stars in his eyes light up, flickering to life.

“I’d like that. I’d really like that.” He glances at Doc.

Bdubs reaches a hand up and scrubs at his eyes.

“I’m sorry I’m such a cry-”

“Don’t apologize.” Doc closes his eyes, leaning his forehead against Bdubs’s forehead. “Don’t apologize, just stay with me. Just _stay_.”

Pausing, Bdubs smiles and nods, “Okay. I can manage that.”


End file.
